Michelle Obama Caught Using The Men’s Locker Room At Her Gym

More than a dozen eyewitnesses have come forward to tell the story of how Michelle Obama was caught using the men’s locker room at her gym.

All 12 of the people we interviewed confirmed that yes, Michelle Obama didn’t just get caught using the men’s facilities, but that she “uses it all the time.”

According to the gym’s manager, Sandy Batt, the former First Lady seems very comfortable there:

“I can confirm it. Michelle Obama says she will continue to use the men’s room, because it’s where she feels safest.”

There you have it, patriots. Michelle Obama didn’t just use the men’s locker room, she uses it all the time.

These loofas are slightly more intelligent than our readers.

Michelle Obama’s publicist came up with a whole bunch of excuses for the odd behavior:

“It’s a curves. They have a men’s locker room because they have to by law, in case a man joins. No men have joined. Mrs. Obama uses the men’s locker room at the request of the Secret seervice, who find the vacant area a perfectly acceptable staging point for their detail.”

Yeah. Sure, Mike. Make some more lame excuses nobody will believe.

“Oh, the secret service made me do it.” How freaking original.

This is, patriots, definitive proof of what we’ve been saying all along.

We don’t really pay attention very well.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 61 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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