Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has boldly sent a statement to the White House legal office, revealed federal attorney Joe Barron this morning. The leader of the Democratic Congress now wants to deal.
She’ll nullify yesterday’s successful second impeachment documents on the condition that outgoing President Trump drop all charges and investigations relating to “Obamagate.”
Trump has made dozens of false assertations against his predecessor, claiming he okayed the FBI’s “spying” operations into his initial campaign in 2016 based on nothing but copious amounts of evidence of Russian interference.
Later labeled the “Russia hoax” by Trump’s idiot parade of cult C.H.U.D. Who don’t understand reality, the investigation led to the confirmation of the theory and was, therefore, an example of exactly the job the FBI is supposed to do.
Trump also blamed Obama for a number of other imaginary “crimes” under the Obamagate umbrella in order to deflect from the mountains of legal violations that he himself was perpetrating.
For example, the chunky cheater in charge pretended that Obama left the country unprepared for a pandemic, even though it was under his own orders that virus-fighting teams were dissolved.
Obama responded to the offer by laughing heartily from the Laz-e-boy recliner inside of his mansion while sipping a vodka-tonic with Snoop Dogg and Steph Curry.
“Obamagate. Ell oh ell. That’s rich. That deranged fat fool runs scam after scam on the whole country, and his racist ass is gonna try to get all over me. Let’s put this simply, Donald, since I know you’re getting more stupid than pussy : You ain’t got shit, you are shit, and you’re as impeached as shit because you’re a shit President with a river of shit-paddling followers. End of story, bitch.”
Nevertheless, fictional Nancy Pelosi has left the offer of compromise open for exactly one hour. Basically, it sounds like fun to make the giant lumbering milk bag excited and maybe watch him piss himself. Again.