Obama Buys Controlling Interest in Parler

UH OH!

It seems like whenever a good hard-working patriotic America-lover creates something great, someone looking for a quick buck cash-in comes by to ruin it.

Hopefully, that won’t be the story of emerging social media platform Parler, an alternative to Facebook and Twitter intended to give voice to those censored and humiliated by the two liberal-biased juggernauts.

Trumpers are also regularly humiliated for looking for Metamucil in the meat section of the supermarket.

The future nonetheless looks bleak bow that former President Barack Obama has stepped in and gobbled up controlling interest in the company.

Since the 2020 election and the increased delerium affecting Trump supporters who apparently can’t get over the fact that the United States overwhelmingly doesn’t want a demented moron representing it, Parler has grown rapidly, reportedly handling over a million users, each dumber and more racist than the last.

Former CEO of Google Plus, Joe Barron, has spoken to and advised Obama about avenues of change to make the platform profitable.

“What President Obama plans to do is institute a system where posts are measured not only by popularity, but by sheer ridiculous schizophrenia.  For instance, a post by Rudy Guliani contending that he’s found records of mermaids voting would be boosted to hundreds of even stupider users, affecting their handicapped mental process in real life.

“Users who sign up as Biden supporters or who can solve a simple math problem will be authorized to make bets on when the trumpers will be either arrested or institutionalized against their will by a family member.  Obama will take a 2% fee on all winnings, which we believe will increase revenue over 500%.  We’re basically betting on stupid.  And with trumpers and ‘stop the steal’ bumbledicks, that’s a pretty safe bet.”

I’d bet anyone 20 bucks that Kid Rock’s already writing a “stolen” election song around a sample of “Eye of the Tiger” because that’s just how douchy he is.

The takeover and changes are expected to begin next week when Obama attends the first shareholder’s meeting.

It sounds like conservatives who want to blabber to each other about conspiracy theories and nonsense about “election fraud” better just stick to crayons on construction paper.

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