#1 Selling Christmas Ornament – The Obamas


Despite not having been in office for four years, Barack Obama still remains one of the most popular and beloved Presidents of the modern age among all red-blooded sensible Americans.  He and his family may be the closest thing that the United States has to royalty at this point, far outperforming any iconic status by his much-maligned and inferior follow-up Donald “Covid” Trump.

More proof to this everlasting popularity came this week from a study based on profit margins and confirmed sales of Christmas ornaments.  For the tenth year in a row, the festive holiday tree decorations featuring the Obamas have topped the sales charts across the country very easily, millions above second-place contender, Disney’s baby Yoda figure “The Child” from their popular Mandalorian Star Wars series, and third place, a simple child-made “Shrinky Dink” of a cartoon Aquaman.

In last place is a small photo of Kirk Cameron sexily licking a banana.

The Vatican’s Christmas expert, Joe Barron, noted that decor featuring President Trump only cracked the top 100 list in regions of the country where VHS videotapes are still in popular use and birth certificates often list a pumpkin field as a site of conception.

“I think most normal people would want anything except Donald Trump’s face hanging from their Christmas tree,” the religious leader admitted. “It would be like inviting your family over for dinner and then paving your driveway and porch with a layer of human shit.  It’s the opposite of jolly, really.  Americans like Obama because he’s competent, good looking, friendly, and sensible.  No one wants to celebrate King Covid during the holiday season.  You might as well just throw pogs with different photos of ass surgery all over your floor.”

“But it really livens up my rumpus room!”

Both Hallmark stores and Amazon have reported a 500% increase in ornamental sales thanks to the former President.  Maybe former President Trump will have better luck just having his image sold on the bottoms of hip-waders or kaopectate bottles.

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