You know what they say : “All you need is a dollar and a dream.” Americans spend over 2.1 billion dollars on lottery tickets every week, and most of us end up holding the short end of the stick, or vaguely satisfied with a free ticket. With the odds of winning greater than being struck by lightning, some say the lottery is a pipe dream.
Well, that pipe just filled up with liquid cash and flowed straight into the plumbing of first daughter Malia Obama yesterday, as the plucky young Democrat won two hundred thousand dollars from a lottery ticket she bought at Joe Barron’s Sip-N-Shit in Kalorama, D.C. The 22-year old entrepreneur is reportedly planning to celebrate the windfall with a huge party with friends and family.
Fox News restroom attendant Clam Hannity, son of hosts Sean Hannity and Brian Kilmeade spoke to the media about the story, suspecting a “fix” is in.
“I don’t believe for a second that this was a random event or a gift of chance. I know it’s been two elections later now, but I and many insipidly brain damaged Americans continue to harbor idiotic child-like fairy tales about the Obamas somehow being criminals, despite the sheer amount of illegal activity conducted by our Great Leader Donald Trump.
I want an investigation and Facebook protest groups and patriot ‘ticket observers’ stationed at that location. I mean, they’re black. Black people can’t win the lottery. That’s the kind of socialism the dermorats want for this country. I’m moving to North Korea where Trump’s people are treated nicely and welcomed with open arms! Baba booey!”
Miss Obama has not yet turned in her ticket to claim the prize, but plans to do so under secret service protection this weekend, which will cost taxpayers about three hundred thousand dollars. Don’t buy too many Joe Biden shirts Malia!