Obama’s New Porsche ‘One Of a Kind’


It’s called : The Chief Commander.

Officially designated the Porsche Model Obama1, it is the absolute pinnacle of automotive engineering, with a main twelve-cylinder jet-airplane engine, backed up by a secondary mini-nuke powered fusion generator, it may be the fastest vehicle on earth, capable of travelling from zero to mach 2 in just under four seconds.  The acceleration alone requires the driver to complete a 5-g tolerance test at NASA.  And it was built specifically for one very special operator.

No, not Jason Statham.

“Barack Obama was the best and most popular President in the history of the United States,” explained Joe Barron, Porsche’s Head of Super Propulsion.  “So we purposefully made the best car possible for him.  This thing could blow Trump’s lame-ass pussy limo out of the water.”

Barron detailed the many and varied incredible features of the Obama1, which comes with the hefty pricetag of three trillion dollars, a sum easily affordable for the Soros backed ex-President.

“Besides the sheer power of this beast, it features a standard in-dash hi-def television with on-board Netflix, Hulu, and Disney+, right next to the wet bar, 12-cup cappuccino machine, and PlayStation 6.  It has a ninth-generation self-driving AI system, developed at Cyberdine Systems.  The rear hatch can release a portable regulation-sized basketball court as well as a fully-stocked and operational Subway franchise.  It’s Harrier-inspired underbelly enhancement allows it to switch to airborne capability for three hours at a time, and it’s weapons systems include air-to-ground smart missiles and twin headlight-mounted repulsor beams by Starktech.  There’s nothing like it anywhere.  Oh.  It’s black.”


Motor Trend magazine has called the Chief Commander : “Possibly the most amazingly awesome vehicle ever created by human hands in all of history.”  The Porsche company will be presenting Obama with the supercar next week at a ceremony at Germany’s premiere chocolate factory, where he and his grandfather will receive a VIP tour, followed by a ride in a glass elevator where the beloved leader will be presented with the ownership deed as a token of appreciation.

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