Obama’s Lawfirm to Defend El Chapo


Although quite a few members of the public were led to believe that Barack and Michelle Obama had lost their licenses to practice law, that narrative was simply a farce pushed by their critics throughout Mr. Obama’s Presidency, one among many.

The Legal Offices of Obama, Obama, and Barron are alive and well, a multi-million dollar firm serving high-profile and deep-pocketed clients for over three decades.

In 1993, the firm successfully removed Matthew McConaughey’s name from “Texas Chainsaw Massacre : The Next Generation.” So everyone just pretend that’s Shia LeBouf.

The firm’s latest subject, however, may turn some heads as one of the most notorious figures in modern history.

Daniel “El Chapo” Trejo, head of Mexico’s most infamous and violent drug cartel : “Los Warriors” is finally going to trial in Cousinpreggers, Texas, and has used some of his sizable fortune to retain the firm for his defense on multiple charges of murder, fraud, conspiracy, and indecent exposure.

Senior partner Joe Barron admits that the case is going to be a tough one to counsel, having been given vast amounts of public attention, but is confident in the Obama’s legal expertise and penchant for utilizing “out of the box” solutions.

“While it may be allegedly true that Mr. Chapo allegedly committed murder and allegedly ran a massive cartel, there is nearly no direct evidence of these alleged crimes, nor any of direct ties to him.

As a private independent businessman, our client alleges that as tax records will indicate, he was simply employed as a sales representitve for the Amway corporation, and travelled all through both Mexico and the United States by necessity.

Any alleged ‘crime scenes’ he may have been present at were simply coincidences brought on naturally by his constant meandering.   We’re planning to push for a mistrial, and failing that, probation and community service.”

The defendant already has a spot reserved for cotton shoveling at a local Build-a-Bear.

The trial, set to begin on November 31st of this year, will be prosecuted by the Los Angeles based law firm of Wolfram and Hart, and is expected to be televised by all major news outlets.  Hopefully, justice will be served like a penis-shaped cake at an Alabama baptism.

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