Michelle’s Inauguration Dress Sells for $22 Million at Auction


Despite the fallen economy and the viral pandemic in the United States, it seems there are still some people out there with quite a bit of disposable money.  Some believe this might have something to do with a certain someone giving a huge tax cut to the top two percent of well-to-do Americans.

“Okay, that should take care of my rich friends. Now get Q on the phone and tell him to bring me more magic freedom pills.”

At Queefabee’s Fine Auction house, a subsidiary of Sothebys based in Sandy Batt Lake, Michigan yesterday, the main attraction, Michelle Obama’s dress worn by the first lady to her husband’s first inaugural ceremony started an earthquake of bidding, ending at an incredible sale price of twenty-two million dollars.  It’s rumored to be the most expensive article of women’s clothing since Donald Trump paid off a Russian prostitute to burn her underpants before the paparazzi pushed into the hotel room.

The dress, designed by French courtier Fromage DePomme is made of satin and a highly refined microfiber that originally was harvested from the rare Flemplekin flower, which grows only as a tumor on the back of the neck of former Canadian pop-rock artist Bryan Adams.  Adams is known for the terrible Robin Hood song as well as the hit single “Why is My Voice So Scratchy?”

Other items fetching big bucks for the day included a slightly sticky pair of ballet slippers owned by effeminate Senator Lindsey Graham, an autographed settlement check from a Trump University student, and a silver-plated stopwatch once owned by Donald Trump Junior, used to time how long he could go between episodes of Mama’s Family without masturbating.  That boy is far more than seriously fucked up.

Which would you rather see in a dark alley? Charles Manson, or this? Remember – Manson had to take showers when he was in prison.

While the buyer of the Obama dress remains anonymous, several eyewitnesses confirm that the bidder spoke in broken Slovenian-accented English, and appeared to have a “fish-like face.”  We may never know who it was that spent so much for such a treasure.

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