Former President Barack Obama flew to Shel Mitzvuah, Israel, last weekend as a special guest of President Benjamin Netanyahu for a grand ceremony as the recipient of the Israeli Medal of Honor, known as the “Yeshua Al Tivah” for his outstanding support and accomplishments for the Jewish nation.
The medal is only granted once every six years, and is a highly-respected symbol of solidarity with America’s fiercest ally. Only three individuals were in contention for the award, according to Joe Barron of the World Jewish Schmuta Council, Obama, comedian Jon Stewart, and Donald Trump, the latter of which brought a raucous round of laughter to the group ending with Netanyahu exclaiming : “Oy vey, but no, seriously, it’s the schvartza, right?”
Obama was chosen for laying all the actual groundwork and negotiations for the current renewed relations between two Arab countries and Israel, which President Trump is douchily attempting to take sole credit for. The most Jewish thing Donald Trump has ever done, agree insiders, is turn down the bacon on his fifth Whopper.
The entire ceremony was a lavish doing in the main city’s Benjamin Grimm Hall, with over two hundred attendees dressed in high designer fashion and with decor adorned with paintings of the American celebrity done by Israeli schoolchildren. Obama was blessed by seven Rabbis, as is tradition, and was then asked to search for the “Afikomen”, a ritualistic piece of matzoh, hidden and then found, to represent something or other. I can tell you that nine times out of ten it’s in the magazine rack next to the couch.
It seems it’s time to once again credit Barack Obama with an accomplishment that President Trump will never achieve in his life as a completely inferior leader and human being. It’s definitely a time that America’s chosen people can rise up and congratulate him with hearty “Le chiam!”s.