Obama Demands Raise in Presidential Pension


You may have heard that the salary paid to the President of the United States is fairly unremarkable.  Some, like President Trump even feel comfortable donating it out of hand to a charity to give newspapers something positive to spin while they’re actually busy, say, urinating on Russian hookers.  But what you might not be aware of is that every President receives a hearty pension after his term, lasting the rest of his life.

And the Columbia Record and Tape Club STILL pesters him for an outstanding $12.89.

Already reaping those benefits to a reported sum of nearly twelve million dollars a month, former President Barack Obama is feeling shortchanged.  This last week, the leader who saved the American auto industry sent a list of demands to Joe Barron, head of the congressional budget committee, demanding, among other things, a sizeable 30% raise in his payments, effective immediately.

Barron appeared live on CSPAN to televise the budget meeting, and read off the list of demands that Obama put together before convening the hall for an immediate yes or no vote.

“Mr. Obama is requesting a 30% increase in Presidential pension payments, citing the ravaged Trump economy, yearly cost of living increases, and skyrocketing Armani suit prices.  Obama has also harshly requested a subscription to a “nerd box” mailing service, like one of those things where you get a box in the mail every month with some comics and T-shirts and toys.  And he insists on one that guarantees at least one Deadpool or Moon Knight item each time.  Also requested, a cool ass red helicopter with an ‘ah-ooga’ horn on it, so he can stir up some shit on weekends.  That ends the list.  Part one-a.”

“Hon! Don’t forget to ask for one of those “Tron” suits. I’m going to Bill Gates’s party next week and i want to stand out.”

Reportedly, without even finishing the entire scope of the demands, Congress is already ready to simply green light the cost, simply to attempt to give Trump some good old blocked arteries.  Sorry, fat boy.  He was a real leader.  He deserves it.

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