As the presidential campaigns heat up, we’d expect Joe Biden to get some much-needed assistance from his friend and cohort Barack Obama. What might surprise some detractors of the sole mentally stable candidate is the backing as well of former conservative Republican President George W. Bush, who has generously donated his time, money, and notoriety to host a fundraising event at his sprawling dude ranch in Baggerland, Texas.
Once referred to as the “southern white house”, the ranch covers nearly fifty square miles and includes it’s own lake, golf course, and dildo factory, and has stood a beacon of Texas pride and ingenuity for over a dozen years. The real surprise is why Bush himself, along with his very political family, would support Mr. Biden over the Republican candidate, impeached President Donald Trump.
Joe Barron asked former President Bush to explain the apparent conundrum during an interview for the Daily Houston Cowqueef.
“Heh. That big fat boy, Trump? Aw, He ain’t no Republican is he? Ya see, republicans don’t go spendin’ money for silly things we don’t need. Like a cartoonified wall across the country. Only took me til my twenny-fifth birthday ta’ figger out them road runner cartoons wasn’t real. Heh. Republicans wouldn’t treat our great men and women of the military like garbage neither. I mean, sure I sent a few or so to Iraq and that mighta not worked out. But ya gotta measure the rewards at the end. Not the riskification at the beginnin’. They used to say I was dumb. Well, look now, brainimacs. I look like some kinda nuclear bigamist next to that Trump feller now, don’t I?”
The fundraising event happens early next month and is expected to break records according to the names and numbers of RSVP’s and projected donations. Sometimes getting two ex-presidents who seem on the outside to be complete opposites can attract lots of money. Like Paula Abdul told us in her hit song “Opposite Presidents Attract.”