Michelle Praises Arabic Number Common Core Students


It’s been several years since the Obama administration introduced the “common core” mathematics instruction system in the United States, and the results are mixed.  While many prospective and mostly suburban students struggle with manipulating Arabic-style numerals, quite a few more have found fortune in a more familiar territory and are on a fast track to financial success.

Getting themselves a little of that bling bling, am I right playas?

Teachers like Joe Barron of Kenny Roger’s Roasters Elementary School in Rustyballs, Kentucky, claim that the system of Arabic numerals do cause some confusion with certain class members, mostly those raised by parents who are also cousins.  But in more mainstream American areas where kids aren’t forced to lick posters of Donald Trump before leaving the house, math has become a useful championship sport.

First Lady Michelle Obama visited last week with a group of five hundred exceptional “mathletes” in Queef Lake, New York, and spoke eloquently to their superior intelligence over the children of more conservative teabagger twats.

“You kids gathered here are the future of America and the future of the dream.  Where your much dumber counterparts in the red states struggle with the concept of our number system being based on Arabic numerals since the dawn of the country, you youthful geniuses know better.  I’m so proud of every one of you and your hard work and courage, studying and learning instead of tipping over cows and having to clean up mommy and daddy’s meth paraphernalia.  You are stars.  Thank you for your work, and tell your parents to vote blue straight down the ticket!”

Also tell them not to let you play any school sports if they spot Jim Jordan in the hallway.

Mrs. Obama has long been a champion of children’s education, and had written books and syllabi on the subject that are well received and respected.  In contrast, Melania Trump warbles something about “Being best” in laughable English, and took up the cause of cyber-bullying for nearly two days.

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