The Affordable Care Act, known more popularly as “Obamacare”, is a sprawling piece of legislation. Clocking in at nearly sixteen thousand pages of legal mumbo jumbo, it also reached out through time like a tentacled DeLorean, with clauses and sections set to take effect on certain dates, sprawling for a decade after it’s inception. Clause 13, articles 5-8 are set to activate immediately on December 31st of 2020, instituting a $500 tax on each and every citizen of the United States.
While President Trump has done his level best to slay this dragon, succeeding in leaving millions of Americans without health coverage just before incompetently helping along a major deadly pandemic, he just hasn’t managed to fully finish the job, similar to the way he leaves his wife wondering if she’s been stung on the vagina by a bee carrying a tic tac at the end of every date night.
Joe Barron, President Obama’s former Teabag Whisperer, explained to the Queefburg Gazette what exactly the surprise tax is meant to accomplish.
“President Obama is a smart guy, far smarter than the mentally-deficient ham hock that’s currently lumbering around in the oval. He knew ahead of time that if Hillary somehow lost the Presidency because of an uprising of America’s dumbest, he’d have to compensate. So, he inserted that clause to collect money for a fund that will be used to pay groups of undocumented aliens to round up bibles and social security checks and burn them all in bonfires across the country to teach these simpering old kindergarten dropouts a lesson. It’s basically ‘Eff-you’ money. You know. Time to pay the piper, trumpies.”
President Trump has already realized he’s as helpless as a ball-gagged Mike Pence in a hot dog factory to address the tax clause in time, but has already dispatched some of his finest minds to go over the rest of the legislation for other shocks. However, in the Trump administration, the “finest minds” are usually swimming around in the West Wing’s fish tank.