Barr Sentences Obama to 30 Days, Heavy Fine


If you missed the entirety of the Obamagate hearings, televised exclusively by ALLODTV, it was a chaotic event worthy of a Netflix documentary.  Highlighted first by Obama’s refusal to appear, Alberto Gonzales’s alarming disappearance, the defendant’s insistence on representing himself, several outbursts, and a final showdown like no other, the only thing that didn’t happen more than it was Lindsey Graham losing his virginity to a female.

“You know what, Gunnington, you’re an asshole. You know that? Oh my stars, I’m getting the vapors I’m so angry.”

Joe Barron, an expert in completely fictional legal matters says the trial, testimony, and judgement involved in this pretend case were as ridiculously stupid as the premise of it itself.  It was borne of yet another random paranoid delusion proffered by impeached President Trump, having no evidence or logical basis, and of course, believed by trumptards the nation over.  It was a piece of complete fiction that got idiots more excited than Melania Trump sitting on a tractor drinking Coors.

The laughably light sentence handed down by Barr is the final pulse sent to the pacemakers of America’s dumbest, aimed to start them complaining about yet another issue that isn’t, for the purpose of mockery and proof that evolution can hiccup backwards.  In reality, old Billy is probably less than a month and an overheard insult away from being on Trump’s shitlist anyway.

I’ve had such a great time. I wish it didn’t have to end. Okay, anyway, back to my beautiful family and blessed existence, swamp farmers!

The attorney General explained that his hands were metaphorically tied during the sentencing procedure due to the nonexistence of any crime, and that although he’d had extensive experience in covering up the very real lawbreaking of former Presidents, he’s had next to none with full-borne inventing of charges.

“I’m not exactly sure what I’m supposed to have heard here.  Something about the FBI investigating the Trump campaign?  Why wouldn’t they?  It’s a proven fact that a hostile foreign government was all over it.  That’s literally the FBI’s job.  And what does that have to do with Obama? Forget it.  I’m changing the sentence.  All nonsense dropped.  He’s free to go.  I should have gone to hairdressing school like my mom wanted.”

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