‘Freak’ Lightning Strike Does $8 Million Damage to Obama Library

DIVINE INTERVENTION!

Just barely put of it’s grand opening celebrations, the Barack Obama Presidential Library has already suffered a bit of seemingly “divine judgement.”  The massive facility just outside of Chicago in Sandy Batt Hills, Illinois, was the victim of what many are calling an “act of God” last week when a bizarrely aimed bolt of lightning struck the western Sharia wing, causing damage estimated to be upwards of eight million dollars.

Unfortunately killed in the strike was Steven Assmurger, a derelict unemployed pickle-rapist from Michigan.

As photos of the errant electricity went viral on several internet tardpages for gullible old Trumppuddles pretending to be “evangelicals” and experts on the Bible suddenly, some sentiment has turned to the strike being “divine retribution” for the imaginary “crimes” that the former leader perpetrated in the laughable rocks that teabaggers call “brains”.  Jerry Falwell’s illegitimate son by Nancy Reagan Shemp Falwell, told media sources that God explained the smiting during a dream he had while overdosing on paint thinner earlier this morning :

“The Lord is angry that such a building was erected for a black President.  We, all of the Trump supporting flock, we know in our hearts that racism isn’t wrong – it’s the way of Jesus Christ.  It was cute when the young people elected him once, but the second time was just an insult to those of us who drive our pearly white wrinkles around in golf carts and bow before a fat TV man.  The building is an abomination, as is any library, with books and learning and heretical knowledge.  Thank you.  Is this thing off?  Good, send the whores and tickletable to my room immediately.”

Falwell’s other child with an Indian forest boar, Dinesh, is currently serving jail time for criminal dipshittery.

The damage to the library, classified as an “Act of God” by insurance providers, will be covered by Social Security funds, and will result in a few months of zero payments to many elderly Americans.  The grannies who praise the Lord have to clean up His mess, it seems.

Was this a case of God sending a sign of his displeasure, or just a fictional tale to rile some wackily religious zealot potatoes into speaking in tongues?  Let us bow our heads and pray.

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