Trump Signs Order Banning Obama’s ‘Anyone Bathrooms’


It was yet another example of President Barack Obama’s tendency to practice liberal overreach.  The proliferation of so-called “Anyone Bathrooms” in public places, eateries, department stores, government buildings.  Obama felt the need to do away with “men” and “women” and just let anyone drop trou anywhere they damn well pleased.

Next they’ll be telling us we can’t read the sexy parts of the Good Book over the PA system!

Well thanks to President Trump, some semblance of sanity is returning to America.  The country’s most Simple Leader is bringing back the concept of two separate pissers, one exclusively for men, and one just for women, as Jesus Christ intended it to be in the Bible.

Trump will be signing executive order 566, making it law that Obama’s restrooms be immediately closed and replaced with gender-specific versions.  The estimated costs of such construction to the economy and, notably, small businesses, in the middle of an economic crash may run into the billions of dollars, bankrupting some hundreds of struggling outlets, but that’s a small price to pay so that America’s precious daughters never have the opportunity to be horribly terrified by even the thought of a penis.

Focus On the Family’s Head of Pearl Clutching, Sandy Batt, says the move will save millions of lives from certain death.

“Nevermind the so-called pandemic.  Nevermind cancer.  Do you know how many instances of rape and murder have been caused by these bathrooms that Obama turned into sex closets?  I don’t have those statistics on me, but I’m sure God is keeping track.  There’s male, and there’s female, and that’s it.  Obama seems to think we should let people be ‘comfortable’ and ‘free’.  Well, mister black man, that’s not what Jesus wants.  Is It? I actually don’t remember.  I know the Jews killed him before he could reveal their evil, though.  Like gay teletubbies and Queer Eye.”

Fun fact – It was Jesus’s experience being crucified that led Sgt. Riggs to learn how to dislocate his shoulder. Just in case.

President Donald Trump is finally making it safe to be everything his supporters want America to be – white, straight, stuck with whatever label you’re given at birth, and blissfully ignorant.  May God bless and keep him.  Out of Miss Teen USA dressing rooms.

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