If you’ve missed the excitement and drama of the Obamagate hearings on capitol hill, it’s not too late to look up the highlights on your favorite network, Al Jazeera, the only news agency handling the live feed. One person it is too late for is former President Barack Obama. After two grueling weeks of witnesses, testimony, and at one time, a comical food fight, it’s all over. And the verdict is in. Guilty on all counts.
The fictional legal battle over crimes that mentally handicapped President Donald Trump simply invented out of his little pussy ego may never have occurred and never will, but they still had to end sometime. How better than to allow America’s dumbest throwbacks, aka, the trumptards, a moment of imaginary victory so they can look even stupider at the hairdresser’s blabbering about lunacy to their friends and neighbors who already think they’re ready for the booby hatch?
According to court reporter Sandy Batt, who played Candy Crush through the entirety of the imaginary court case, the charges against Obama levied by the teabagging moron crowd include Being Black To Scare Old White People, Easily Being 100 Times Better Than Trump, Not Being Responsible for Benghazi, and Making Trump Look Like am Extra From Romper Room. The last one, eight hundred counts. Guilty.
In his feverish dreams caused by packing his giant cheeks full of nuts, berries, and cocaine for the winter, Barr will hold a sentencing hearing some time in the future, and even though it won’t be in the papers or on tv, I’ll still manage to convince trumpers it happened because they’re about as sharp as a bag of Lindsey Graham’s pole dance boas.
Now that Obamagate is at it’s triumphant conclusion, it’s a certainty that President Plumpypants will have to invent some other new bullshit for idiotic schizos to cheer about. It’s a shame that most of these Fox News Fungadicks don’t have hobbies.