Michelle Targets Tucker Carlson in First ‘Fake News’ Lawsuit


Former first lady and bestselling author Michelle Obama has been teasing for months that she’s been working on a new cause to use to transition into her next phase of community service to benefit the country.   Well, at a $5000-a-plate fundraising auction in the Hollywood hills for the Biden 2020 campaign, the liberal legal eagle announced her intention to begin bringing “fraud” and “libel” lawsuits against any public figures purporting to be broadcasting “news” segments under false pretenses, beginning with Fox News’s Tucker Carlson.

Although many in the terribly gullible fuming old trumptard community believe that Michelle and her husband “lost their law licenses”, it Is, and never was, true.  Each of the Obamas is a highly successful barrister in their own right, and teabaggers tend to fall for any fairy tale that they’ve read on the internet, no matter how impossible, irrational, or stupid because they’re far too obnoxious and ignorant to tell the difference between their desperate racist fantasies and reality.

“Y’all know Obama’s school records been sealed because he was borned in Kenya and Muslim sleeped during Benghazi, right? I researched it with crayons and meth!”

Joe Barron, the Obama’s Litigation Officer, says that Mrs. Obama intends to use Carlson as an example before going after a host of other lying pretend “newspeople” :

“Carlson is the most openly racist and dipshitted, so he’s going to be the first that she sues the proverbial ass off of.  There’s a long list that includes that fake judge Jeannine lady, nearly everyone at that ‘OAN’ mess, and Brian Kilmeade, for sure, just because he looks like someone tried to rescue an infant from a sausage press far too late.  She’s leaving Hannity alone in the hopes that the pressure alone will cause him to take himself out.  I know at some point, she’s planning on using mental health legislation to get all the old and infirm wrinkle-farms on the internet who can’t tell what sex she is put away in group homes for everyone’s safety, so if I were you, Trumpers-Crying-Tranny, I’d scrub my Facebook page and go back to filling up bowls with Brach’s hard candy that your grandchildren won’t touch.”

Also, nobody wants your worthless Beanie Baby collection after you pass. The kids are just gonna end up exploding them with M-80s.

The much classier and American first lady hasn’t ruled out a plan to sue Fox Newscorp itself into removing the word “news” from its name completely, which is only fair.  CNN will remain untouched even though the potatoes call it fake, but can’t cite one example of such.

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