Washington, D.C. – The Joe Barron Federal Hall of Justice was packed full with media and onlookers as the Obamagate trial hearings started their fourth day of procedure. Attorney General Bill Barr and his team of no-nonsense legal experts sat contemplative as the accused took their seats in the Defendant area. Former President Barack Obama, his previous attorney General Alberto Gonzales, and his special legal counsel, Abraham Lincoln. (No relation.)
Although the entire picture painted above is completely fictional because there isn’t any such thing as “Obamagate” and therefore, absolutely no such trial or hearings are, or will happen, the scene was thick with drama. Even imaginary Trey Gowdy appeared to believe he might, for the first time in his life, win some sort of legal argument.
As the fictional proceedings began for the day, not even a minute had passed as Barr listed out the non-existent crimes being discussed when Obama leapt from his seat, shackled in a pair of amazingly hip Gucci handcuffs and shouted out : “Executive priveiege!” The courtroom went as silent as Melania’s clitoris in a Trump Tower sauna.
The invoking of Executive Privilege by a former member of the Executive branch is a shocking last-ditch effort to avoid prosecution for possible criminal activity committed during a Presidential term. Obama obviously has something to hide, or else he would have simply submitted himself to Barr’s fat ass whining about “spying” and “phone tappings” that never happened. Perhaps during the course of the questioning, Trump would even call the prosecutor to say he had invented even more baseless imaginary charges about alien mole men or electric unicorns or some shit that gullible idiots will believe.
With the protective declaration declared, what will our intrepid hero Barr do now? A surprise witness? A mysteriously damning Ziploc bag full of formerly secret “evidence”? Only the ghost of Justice Future knows that. And the Shadow. And probably the NSA. And me. I know. Not telling.