Trump officials working closely with Russian operatives have uncovered some disturbing news from the Middle East. A raid on a company suspected of supporting ISIS has uncovered a ledger that lists Barack Hussein Obama as a paid representative.
The company, Al Ashamarahu al Alaqua Lahaquashana, makes headlights for Volkswagon, officially. Unofficially, they provide ISIS with weapons and supplies used in Syria to kill Russian soldiers. Barack Obama has been consulting with them for more than 12 years now:
“Obama was working for ISIS way back when they were just a startup in some guy’s garage selling cat food on Amazon. Now that they’re a global threat, they need advice from a criminal mastermind like Obama far more than they did then.
“Records indicate that Obama was paid more than $30 million in Syrian Rewalkadanis, the unofficial currency of ISIS. It’s kinda like Bitcoin, only it doesn’t actually exist and you can’t spend it anywhere.”
Why would Obama be willing to put his name on something so heinous? There are those who claim he’s just happy to be working with ISIS at all, and others who claim that he’s intent on killing Russian soldiers as retribution for Putin putting bounties on Americans. Either way, it’s treason. ISIS is an enemy and Russia is a close ally to the Trumps.
Obama will definitely have some explaining to do about this one. According to the prosecutor for the State Department, Art Tubolls, Obama can be charged as a terrorist and held indefinitely, as long as they meet certain conditions:
“We have to prove the name on the ledger is his. As of now, we don’t have anyone who can read Tawalanaki Arabic, so we’re going on Putin’s word. Our latest memo from Trump says to trust him, so that’s what we’re gonna do.”
Our intelligence agencies have once again said that Trump is a moron, but we know better. He always makes the best decisions.