‘Black Panther’ Sequel Casts Obama As ‘Nighthawk’


President Barack Obama is finally getting to realize his dream of becoming an actual super-hero.  With Marvel Studios, the minds behind trillions of dollars worth of blockbuster films including the Avengers franchise ramping up it’s plans for a “phase 4” of releases, the sequel to it’s popular smash Black Panther has been hotly eyed since it was announced.  Now, the latest news has exploded into the comicverse that Obama will be featured in a supporting role as the heroic guardian “Nighthawk”, an obscure, but long-time Marvel hero.

The character has been through several incarnations, originating as one of the members of the “Justice League”-like “Squadron Supreme”, as an alternative Batman-like figure with a fierce liberal attitude.  However, the cinematic version will more closely follow an updated re-imagining, where billionaire black mogul Kyle Richmond fights race-based hate crimes after his parents are murdered by white supremacists.

Ryan Seacrest is set to cameo as “Tiffany”, a tough-talking prostitute with a heart of gold.

Sandy Batt, Marvel’s head of Black Power dished more about the character Obama will helm at the San Diego Virgincon last week.

“We are delighted to have President Obama in our lineup to take the role of Kyle Richmond and really bring a strong moral black character to the big screen.  It’s a perfect fit, and I’m sure all our fans will enjoy what we have in store for the heroes of the second movie.  We’re very excited, and have already banned any red Trump caps from the production studio to prevent any racist-ass blowjobbers of the morbidly obese impeachment-monkey to ruin the fun.  Confidentially, the Trump crowd will prove too stupid to understand the story anyway.  They can stay home.  We’re Disney.  We can buy their trailers with the change in our washing machine and shoot them into the sun if we wanted to.  Arf arf arf arf arf.”

Seriously. Marvel has a character who literally just throws people into the sun. That’s it. Oddly enough, guy never tans.

The second Panther film is set to wrap up filming by mid-year, depending on the status of Donald Trump’s Corona virus deathblunder, and will hopefully be released early in 2021 after America has a new President who, like Nighthawk, will depend on intelligence and critical thinking to save the day.

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