Michelle Obama was supposed to be chatting privately with her old friend, Oprah Winfrey, during a commercial break while recording for a new podcast, “America in Distress.” Little did she know, however, that her mic was live and her words being broadcast to hundreds of thousands of eager listeners.
According to a source inside Winfrey’s circle, who may or may not have actually heard Obama’s little diatribe, the former First Lady and the queen of daytime television were yukking it up over Melania Trump. “It was disgusting,” said the source, “so I pushed the live button and let the world hear.”
The transcript, which has been seized by the Secret Service for an investigation into threats against the First Family, Is disturbing. Here’s what Michelle Obama had to say about Melania Trump:
“She’s such a tragic. classless tramp. Bitch steals my speeches. They say she’s some kind of genius because she learned how to say ‘happy ending $20’ in 5 languages. My left foot is smarter than that trollip.”
None of that is true, of course. Melania Trump is a highly educated and worldly traveler. It’s not her fault that her grace and beauty attracted such a great man. Everyone knows her degree is mostly real and that her skills as a public speaker rival those of any school-aged child in Eastern Europe, but that’s not what’s really important. What really matters is how much we love her.
America is in love with Melania Trump. She stands for everything we cherish. From her skin tone to how she personifies what we believe all immigrants should look like. Melania Trump is an American icon. She proves that American double standards aren’t just real, they work well. We can set aside all of the nude photos and evidence that she’s just an over-priced hooker because at the end of the day, she married a genius and gave us Be Best.
God Bless you, Madame First Lady. You’re a national treasure.