July 4th Obama Rally Confirms 1.2 Million Attending


Pulverizing the population of *President Donald Trump’s recent campaign rally, spokespeople for the Obamas announced this morning that the confirmed number of people for their Independence Day “Make America Rational Again” rally at the Clinton Foundation Park and Convention Center in Washington has reached capacity at over a million attendees.  Unlike the recent boondoggle plaguing the incumbent morbidly obese leader, the gathering can positively confirm it’s numbers by wisely collecting a small refundable deposit per seat, which can also be donated outright to the Biden 2020 campaign at or before the event.

The rally, serving both as a “coming together for the country” celebration as well as an advertising show for Biden’s candidacy will feature food vendors, games for the whole family, and special celebrity guest stars including Taylor Swift, Duane “The Rock” Johnson, CNN host Don Lemon, and beloved “Fish” actor Abe Vigoda.  All entrants will be quickly tested for the Covid 19 virus before entering, and security and medical sanitation forces will be in place at all times.

SHIELD has contracted Director Nick Fury to provide policing. Although Samuel Jackson was occupied, so we’ll have to make do with the white one.

Joe Barron of the Clinton Foundation’s Dump Trump department revealed details during a press conference at a local Big Belly Burger outlet.

“It’s really going to be far more fun than Trump’s klanapalooza certainly was.  More like Woodstock, with musical acts, activities, giveaways and just a general safe party atmosphere.  It won’t be like a hideous collection of throwback Confederate flag-waving diabetes cows, that’s for sure.  We’re also smart enough to get a better estimate of the numbers since we’re not little pussy egotists like the Orange Shitbubble.  Far more Americans love the Obamas than the mutant Trump clan.  That’s just a fact.  Although, I suppose part of their mistake may have been forgetting to invite whatever underwater fish-faced gill people Melania grew up with.  Shame.”

“My people have proud heestory of build sea castles with indoor sandbox for sweeming.”

The event has sadly stopped accepting reservations at press time, however, the overwhelming demand has convinced organizers to consider a second event towards the end of the month.  Meanwhile, the *President’s campaign is sending out free stickers to all registered sex offenders in the state of Alabama in an effort to expand their base.


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