Poll – 85% of Kids Under 13 Believe Barack Obama is President


It’s a somewhat sobering and alarming find.  According to the results of a nationwide poll conducted by Washington’s Queef And Sons Data Collection, nearly nine out of ten surveyed school students between the ages of six and thirteen believe that the President of the United States, to whom they pledge allegiance every morning in their classrooms, is Barack Obama.

It gets worse from there.  In follow-up questions, the youths overwhelmingly (79%) believed that Donald Trump was : “A comedian playing a fat stupid guy on TV”, “Republicans” are : “White people who call the cops over weed” (65%), and that Fox News is the channel that : “scares grandma and has commercials for false teeth glue” (90%).

Disturbing results.

Pollster Sandy Batt told a collection of concerned parents that these misconceptions are part of a liberal propaganda plot.

“Liberal so-called educators are trying to completely eliminate Donald Trump from history, and they’re not below starting with our kids.  Just the other day, my own son Walker and I were in church, and told me he didn’t want to be an altar boy because : “I’m afraid a Pencemonster will come in my room when I’m asleep and lick my pajamas.”  Can you imagine?  This is the offal being foisted on our next generation.  He drew a picture of Obama with an American flag behind him and told me that he’d rather have him as his father.  I took away his PlayStation for a year.  Now he won’t even look at me and calls me ‘Karen’.  My family of teabag-wearing overweight chemical-toilet technicians is mortified.”

“Speaking of mortified, my dad took three hours to pour me a glass of water yesterday. At the homecoming dance. He took aunt Stormy.”

Some experts believe that home schooling may be the answer to this growing crisis of brainwashing.  It’s a frightening thought that our progeny might grow up not believing our beloved memes and Palistani-penned articles on Facebook shitpages.

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