Obama Foundation Owns 82% of Mail-In Ballot Printers


A lot of controversy and heated discussion has come from the subject of the use of mail-in ballots for the 2020 election.  Much of the hubbub has been generated by the *President himself, who contends, without even a tiny shred of evidence or viable logic, that such a method can lead to rampant voter fraud.  Well now it seems the morbidly obese hurricane-nuker in chief might be vindicted, thanks to the work of a few investigative reporters.

Joe Barron and his investigative team have been tracing the trail of where the ballots actually originate for the past year for the seasoned daily news publication The Washington Blumpkin Eye.  Just last week they found an end to the paper trail, discovering that nearly 82% of all American mail-in ballots are printed by “Smoovy-G” class 5 dot-matrix replicators, powered by IG-88 class Atari 800 supercomputers.  All of which are owned and operated by the Obama Foundation.

Several terminals do have a small failure rate due to someone’s little brother jamming a Dig Dug cartridge in too hard.

The Obama Ballots, as some pundits are now calling them as the story has begun to go viral, are being produced in main distribution centers in Baggertits, Ohio, Queefgas Swamp, Florida, and Laniasnatch, Colorado.  Ballots are printed by the millions per day, no doubt, with Democratic candidate’s names already checked off on them, and are shipped state-by-state in plain black semi-trailers owned by LaForm Trucking, a subsidiary of Lee, Lifeson, and Peart Transportation, based in Lakeside Park, Canada.


The explosive revelation is sure to lead to action by attorney General Bill Barr, who would happily lick marshmallow fluff off the bottom of the Golden State Warriors collective balls, if it would help Trump in any way, and in fact, has participated in the manual hydration of dozens of similar testicles for past criminal Republican Presidents.   It looks like, with this sinister revelation, mail-in ballot fraud isn’t just the ravings of a nutjob at all.  It might just be a nutjob that can solve the problem.


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