SCOTUS Orders Obama to Pay Back Obamacare Fees

FINALLY!

Remember “Obamacare?”  It was also known as “The Affordable Care Act”, a mishmash of socialist programs and adjustments meant to provide every American with some kind of health care plan.  Well, it also charged your tax bill up to a thousand dollars a year to make it work.  Luckily, *President Trump was good enough to cancel it and replace it with nothing so we can all go back to the way it’s supposed to be, which is dying broke.

Now, at the behest of the administration, the Kavanaugh-molested Supreme Court has decided that our old friend Barack is going to have to make restitution for all that theft.  Each American will be receiving a check for twenty-five cents starting in March of 2055.  During court proceedings, Justice Kavanaugh became so excited by the judgement that he slammed four Old Milwakees and impregnated a passing stray cat.

Kavanaugh, seen here breaking into a tantrum after his accuser ran off after a squirrel.

Joe Barron, a Supreme Court intern, made clear the punishment was warranted.

“We all knew Obamacare was a terrible idea.  Why would we want Americans healthy enough to vote?  Republicans don’t do well at all when more people turn out.  That’s why they haven’t won the actual popular vote more than once in the last few decades.  We’d rather they just get all paranoid about ‘socialism’ and die off.  That’ll leave it free and clear for us to elect complete morons like Trump.  If you like your doctor?  You can keep your doctor.  If you can convince him to work for free and pay for all the medication and materials he’ll need.”

I’d help you out, but I’m trying to stop spider people from keeping the Titanic afloat. It makes sense eventually. Trust me, you single-hearted apes.

Although the monetary recompense may seem too little and too far away, experts predict that the former President may have to sell one of his jet skis in order to pay for his fines.  And that’s just what a morbidly obese *President’s doctor ordered.

*Impeached

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