According to the modern calendar, June 31st is National Baked Potato Day. But thanks to the work of federal investigators and attorney General Bill Barr, it looks like the biggest potato that’s going to get baked is Barack Hussain Obama’s. And it’s going to take more than four minutes on high in the microwave.
As brilliantly predicted by *President Trump, the Obamagate scandal has burst wide open like Sean Hannity’s wallet at a Thai brothel. Although the Donald declined to explain exactly what “Obamagate” is to a stunned reporter, we all know it has to do with having the FBI obtain a FISA warrant during the Mueller investigation to muddy the waters concerning the Durham documents contained in a top secret FEMA camp where Hillary Clinton turned children into coffee for her Satanic minions to drink before they Jade Helm Texas and reverse the Earth’s magnetic poles. Luckily, that fate has been deftly avoided.
Joe Barron of the Federal Dehpartment of Fictional Incarcerations notes that Obama will be held in a Supermax prison facility in northern Alabama until his day in court:
“They call the place ‘Camp Slippery Shoes’ because convicts tend to piss themselves within 24 hours of getting in. It’s the worst of the worst in there. Every cell is four feet by four feet. No toilets. No beds. Each prisoner is fitted with a nanocollar that can be triggered to explode his head. I’m just kidding. That’s really just a movie idea i had last year for Jason Statham. He could like, karate his way out and end up throwing the crooked warden into a giant paper shredder. No, but Obama’s not going anywhere really. Maybe to a portrait studio so he can send a nice 8 by 10 to Trump to make him cry like a fat little hyena with herpes sores.”
The date of the trial was set for the 31st of June because, like President Obama’s “crimes”, it doesn’t exist. But we’ll just see of Barr is crooked enough to even work around that.