Obama Family Flown to Private ‘Safe Island’


Reach into your pocket or purse, and pull put the wallet you carry when you go patriotically shopping at your nearest American small business or gun store.  Is there thirty billion dollars in there? No?  Then your last name isn’t “Obama”, and you don’t own your own private “safe island” where you and your family and friends can wait out any crisis that the unwashed masses have to suffer through.

Preparations to have every tree on the island set up to stream Netflix will be finished by April.

Two days ago, while you and I were washing our hands and not going to the theater to see whatever terrible movie the distributors release in March before saving all the good ones for May, June, and July, the Obama family flew by private jet liner to their private safe island, somewhere in the Pacific tropics, where they will remain safe and sound from any harm.  Several friends and family members flew in on later flights, including religious leader Al Sharpton, actor Jussie Smolette, and basketball star Joe Barron.

The multi-billion dollar island, dubbed “Smoovy-O-Town” on nautical charts is over thirty-six miles in area.  The main living mansion resides on the eastern coach with a private beach, tennis courts, and indoor football field, as well as several fresh-water and Noxema-filled swimming pools.  Nearby the domicile is a fully-functioning private mall, with it’s own Cinnabon, Spencer’s Gifts, Gamestop, and not one, but two Starbucks.  To the island’s northern side sits the Obama Command Center, with a private security force, a well-defined hospital, and a factory constantly producing a biologically-engineered apple-like fruit known to cause instant orgasm.

All.of this setup certainly seems like the Obamas have written off helping their fellow Americans in any way, and no word has been released detailing how long they plan to hide on the island during this trying time.  But it does feel, some people say, like the attitude being presented is that : “Obama Lives Matter.”  Maybe billions of dollars more than yours or mine.

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