In what some are calling an : “open act of rebellion”, the young conservative group at Oregon’s Bartlett College took it upon themselves this last weekend to pull down a copper statue of President Obama. Campus police have arrested all members of the club, and are pressing full charges for vandalism, destruction of private property, and hate crimes.
The statue was erected in 2012 and has been a beloved campus monument since, with many students leaving offerings of food or flowers hoping to channel: “The great and noble spirit” of the ex-President. The students responsible for its ousting have all been expelled permanently. Campus police chief Joseph Barron explained what would come next.
“These Republican thugs will meet the fullest punishment the law can extend to them. They can forget their higher education or hopes of getting any sort of job in the future. By the time these animals get out of the pokey, they’ll be homeless 50-year olds begging for a free phone and Obamacare. Don’t let your kids grow up to be trumptards, people.”
Bartlett College is known for its world famous archeology department headed by star professor “Indiana” Jones, which has procured thousands of artifacts. Jones himself has offered to “teach those little nazi-wannabes some manners” with a little bullwhip therapy following their initial charging.