California’s seasonal wildfires are taking their terrible tolls again, perhaps part of the price to be paid for life in the Golden State, with it’s perfect weather, exotic beaches and landmarks, and open-minded havens of liberalism. However, for the Obama family, the Chingamadre fire has hit a little too close to home.
The Obama’s summer home retreat in the hills of Chingamadre is a 12-bedroom 16 million dollar mansion, known by the nickname “The Kenyan Eden.” With three basketball courts, two pools and a full-sized indoor football field, the home has provided a vacation getaway for the family for years. Unfortunately, it was reported by the CFD yesterday that the retreat is no more, completely obliterated from the earth, like Ivanka Trump’s anal virginity.
The Obama’s are reportedly devastated by the loss. No longer will daughters Sasha and Malia play games in the woods behind the house, merrily hunting the servants like game with their pink birthday shotguns. Gone is Michelle’s private biolab, where the first lady experimented on different strains of broccoli in the attempt to make it more flavorless and bland for schoolchildren. And there is nothing left of the former President Obama’s Deep State wing, where he would host luminaries such as George Soros, Joe Barron, and Lavar Burton at secret meetings to discuss ruling America and the world.
In these times of grief and pain over the loss of inanimate objects, it’s easy to forget that it hits us all: From the successful and respected former first family all the way down to the lowest negative-IQ Trump-supporting chimpyturd, the words of terribly pussified band R.E.M. ring true : “Everybody hurts…sometimes.”