Sasha Obama Busted Running an Escort Service at Michigan State

Sasha Obama has been at Michigan State University for less than two months and already she’s trying to make her mark — as a madame running an escort service. According to sources at the school’s security office, the young Obama is under investigation for no fewer than eight complaints of running a service for “college boys having trouble finding dates.”

The story, which is being ignored by the mainstream media, is no secret on campus. One student, who asked not to be named, says he witnessed it first-hand:

“I watched two guys walk into her dorm and come out with girls. They were all dressed up like they were going somewhere special, but I have a good idea what they were really up to. I was told that for as little as $25, I could have a ‘great time’ with one of ‘Sasha’s girls.’

They even have a name for it? How does this family keep getting away with this stuff? Another student, Sandy Batt, says her plans for Homecoming were destroyed when her date decided to go with a Sasha girl instead of her:

“We had this whole ‘date a dork’ thing planned out, kinda like on Carrie, but then he just…canceled. I was so bummed. This kid was clearly gonna win me the prize. He was planning on picking me up in his Mom’s Prius wearing a Harry Potter robe.”

It’s really sad when college kids are deprived of their fun. What’s more sad is that young girls are being used to show these kids “a good time.”

The Obama family declined to comment, but Sasha’s publicist, Art Tubolls, issued a statement:

“Sasha’s ‘girls’ are volunteer anti-bullying ‘escorts.’ Not sexual liasons. Kids who experience social anxiety, kids on the spectrum, and anyone who just wants to have a nice time without being attacked for being who they are can contact her and Ms. Obama finds a good match for a ‘friendly date.’ The $25 donation people are talking about isn’t mandatory; it’s a suggestion. The money goes to pay for the date’s activities, which typically cost Sasha $50 of her own money.”

Yeah. Sure. Like we’re gonna believe that Sasha Obama is providing some kind of benevolent service for socially awkward kids having trouble on campus. Nice try, liberals. We interviewed 7 kids and while none of them admitted to a sexual encounter, they all said they handed over the $25. So…who’s the criminal now? Sasha Obama, that’s who.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 61 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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