Sasha Obama Pregnant at 18 – Mystery Boyfriend Unmasked

Sasha Obama has exceeded the family expectations of being the “family” daughter by getting pregnant and dropping out of college after just one day. Sasha and her mysterious boyfriend showed up for their first day at Michigan State – Dearborn only to withdraw for “personal reasons.”

According to the admissions department, neither Obama nor her counterpart were planning to live on campus.

So, who is this mystery man that Sasha Obama has shacked up with and decided to start a family with? According to our sources, it is none other than Jeffrey Kaepernick, Colin Kaepernick’s younger brother and half of the famous rap duo, “Stop and Go.”

Kaepernick with his ex-boyfriend “Kid.”

Kaepernick, who is known to date both men and women, says he’s made the choice now and has decided to be straight. With Sasha Obama on his arm, it’s worth being faithful, since the family is worth $400 million.

There has been no confirmation from the Obama family yet as to whether or not any of this is true, which means they probably haven’t decided whether to keep this baby or “dispose’ of it and try again when it’s more convenient. As for dropping out of school, family spokesman Art Tubolls said:

“While we can’t confirm or deny most of the things you’ve reported, we can tell you with 100 percent certainty that Sasha did NOT withdraw from Michigan State Dearborn.”

Well, that leaves a bunch of unanswered questions. We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 61 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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