Michelle Obama Announces Pregnancy

LE CHAIM!

In an exclusive heads-up to reporter and long-time friend Joseph Barron at the Washington Post, Former First Lady Michelle Obama dropped some exciting news : she’s pregnant with her and President Barack Obama’s third child.

The First Lady has confirmed that this poor kid is going to be eating a hell of a lot of broccoli.

The news comes as the couple sweep off the end of her wildly successful book tour, a global outing mostly opposed by the conservative right due to the presence of the word : “book” in the name.  As a successful and attractive American black couple, the Obamas often find themselves the targets of the ire of Trump-supporting mutants, who generally look like extras from the “Hills Have Eyes” movies and build furniture out of beer cans.

It’s perfect for your buddy who gets drunk and needs to crash. He’s probably not gonna get tanked enough to fill the whole thing with pee.

Sources confirmed the classier-and-better-educated-than-Melania icon to be in her third week of pregnancy with all signs pointing positive.  Family friends have let slip that some names have even been bandied around, with contenders including “Hillary” for a girl, and “Saul” for a boy, after anti-Communist essayist Saul Alinsky, an author often used in blathering misunderstood arguments by Republican pundits who know less about reality than they do speckled-ass tree monkeys.

Michael Savage in particular uses his 10 broadcasting hours a week to sell his listeners books full of stuff he doesn’t have enough time to tell them in 10 hours a week.

Some are speculating that the pregnancy may have contributed to the Obamas closing so soon on their new luxury home, which features 8 bedrooms and a full-sized indoor football stadium.  Both first daughters currently have 2 bedrooms each, using the extras to store pallets of cash.  Another room is being readied as a nursery for the happy day just eight months away.  Could we be witnesses to the birth of a future President in the Obama Dynasty?  The future certainly looks bright.

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