Sasha and Malia Obama Arrested Together for the First Time

Sasha Obama has recently joined the rest of us in the eyes of the law, and she wasted no time letting us know it. Between her 18th birthday on April 31st and today, she has been arrested 11 times. 10 of those disappeared after Daddy made a phone call.

Malia Obama, who they like to pretend is a perfect student at Harvard, has been involved in more scandals than the Clintons in the past two years. None of the things reported about her are real or substantiated, so she thinks that means she’s immune from prosecution.

Today, the “perfect” Obama girls were arrested together, and nobody is talking about it. Why? Because officially, it never happened. Like all the other times it was reported that one of these girls was behind bars, this report is also completely non-existent outside of this article.

According to our source, the girls were picked up like “something out of a Liam Neeson movie”:

“A black van showed up at the county jail before they were ever processed, and disappeared in the parking lot across the street. And I don’t mean went unnoticed. The f*cking thing vanished. The next thing we knew the police inside the compound were all singing ‘Under the Bridge’ in their best Geddy Lee voices and the girls waltzed out the front door.

The van re-appeared, they hopped in, and they left. The singing stopped and life when on like it never happened. You tell us what happened.”

The eye-witness accounts have been discounted by authorities on the ground as the “meth-induced ramblings of right-wing lunatics.” The reality is, something weird happened and the left will cover it with stories about how we’re all nuts. That’s why we have to stick together and call them all snowflakes as often as possible, patriots. It’s our duty as Americans.

God bless you.

About Flagg Eagleton 40 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.