Half of Obama’s Security Detail Quits – Made to Pick Up Food, Do Chores

It’s evidently a tough time working as a secret service agent assigned to former President Obama’s security detail.  Seven days a week, twenty-four hours a day, you’re charged with making sure he and his family are safe from harm, investigate threats, monitor his movement, and…pick up a few pizzas???

This week, six out of twelve members of the detail quit after expressing frustration at being made to act as “personal slaves” to the Houdini of Birth Certificates and his brood.  Head agent Iver Vaginhand spilled the beans to the Washington Daily Queefporter:

“We are responsible for the safety of the President.  We are not responsible for picking up Chinese food or holding a place in line at the log floom at Six Flags.  We’re not here to clean up the mess when the dog poops in the kitchen or to pick the fluff out from between Michelle’s toes.  We’re not going to take it anymore.”

In a phone interview for the article, Obama struck back, showing no guilt :

“Listen.  These guys are the laziest motherf***kas ever.  They sit around all day playing Candy Crush and whatnot, listening to old Poison songs in them headphones.  I’m just giving the bitches something to do.  Earn your money, n***gah.  Representin’.”

The secret service has promised to transfer six members of President Trump’s team to Obama’s to make up for the gap.  Hopefully, the Usurper won’t work them to death mowing the lawn.