Malia Obama Expelled From Harvard

Former President Barack Obama stormed out of Harvard in a rage today after the Dean of Students, Art Tubolls Ph.D., M.D, ICBM, Esq, refused to turn a blind eye to her criminal activity. According to the school’s official website, Malia Obama is no longer a student:

“We regret to report that due to her extracurricular criminal activities and continued ties to criminal organizations and gangs that we were unable to re-enroll Malia Obama for the 2019-2020 school year. Her behavior, which involves not only illicit blloogie use and allegedly pledging the Clinton Crime Consortium but several on-campus events as well.

Ms. Obama is not the type of person this school is looking to educate.”

President Trump, upon hearing the news, immediately made a reference to Baltimore and sent her a joke coupon for a free education at Trump University.

According to our sources, the Obama family is looking for a way to stop the bleeding and restore their daughter’s good name, which probably means sending her to intern with the Deep State. Our man inside tells us:

“Malia will probably continue her education in Brussels where nobody will be watching. There, she can fulfill her destiny and move into the seat beside Chelsea at the Clinton Foundation.”

University of Berlin at Brussels has said they are expecting a very notable new student, so that may be where she ends up. According to the Alumni Magazine, The Brussels Sprouts, the entire region is looking forward to Malia’s arrival.

We’ll keep you updated on this developing story.

About Flagg Eagleton-Patriot 73 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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