Malia Obama Arrested at the US Border – Daddy Made It Go Away

Malia Obama was arrested at the US Border in Puerto Rico earlier this week after trying to weasel her way through customs with more than $40K in illegal items. First, she tried to avoid customs altogether with her diplomatic immunity card for being the daughter of a US President. When she was told she had to go through customs like everyone else, she threw a fit.

As it turned out, the young Obama wasn’t just trying to use her privilege to get past the line, she was trying to break the law. According to the arresting agent:

“Ms. Obama was caught with several artifacts from Egypt, including the thumb of Cleopatra’s housemaid, Julie. She also had a bunch of cash and drugs on her, but they never made it to booking. By the time I turned around to sign my name, she had already been released.”

You guessed it. Daddy must have made a call and pulled some strings, because the incident never happened — if you ask officially.

According to local records, Malia Obama deplaned from a flight from Egypt at 5:15 PM, then immediately got on a connecting flight to Boston. There was no record of her arrival there, but as of this morning, she was listed as “present” for the summer session at Harvard.

Nobody really knows what’s going on with Malia. What we do know is that Sasha, who has recently graduated, has been accepted to Yale and will probably be just as troublesome. They’re Obamas. It’s in their genes. We’ve decided that both of these girls are now adults and deserve our full attention. They won’t get away with what their parents did.

About Flagg Eagleton 26 Articles
Flagg Eagleton is the son of an American potato farmer and a patriot. After spending 4 years in the Navy and 7 on welfare picking himself up by the bootstraps, Flagg finally got his HVAC certificate and is hard at work keeping the mobile homes of Tallahassee at a comfy 83 degrees.

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