Malia Obama’s criminal life is finally catching up with her. Since she’s left the White House, she has been accused of multiple crimes in multiple states. In Illinois, she was seen smoking pot on the day it was de-criminalized in public, a full hour before the ordinance took effect.
In California, she was charged with trying to smuggle bloogies and talc across the border to trade for mesthima and sporatz. All of those things are felonies in San Medina.
In Massachusetts, she broke curfew at Harvard twice, and sold priceless memorabilia from the White House to a local pawnbroker, after engaging in a food stamp coverup Snopes blamed on a guy from Maine.
On top of that, there have been numerous reports that Malia has engaged in things that call for her to be labeled “thug” for hyperbolic headlines by no-talent hacks who don’t understand that it isn’t the wording about Malia Obama that matters; it’s the fact that she is Malia Obama. If she were Malia Johansen, nobody would care.
Today, her probationary committee cared. They cared enough to put her in front of a federal judge who sentenced her to 2 years in a minimum security prison. Her father, Barry Soetoro, pleaded for her and came very close to threatening the judge:
“Let me be perfectly clear. My daughter is no criminal, and she is under the protection of people far beyond the power of this court and this administration. I will accept this sentence, but I will have a hearing again before it’s carried out, and my daughter will finish school first.”
The judge extended Obama an extension out of “courtesy” and ordered Malia to turn herself in on June 1st, 2022, one week after graduating from Harvard. That’s the way it works in the privileged world.
So now, Obama will have two full years to weasel her out of it. If he can’t, she’ll spend some time in a country club playing tennis. Hooray for justice.